Very sadly, my hubby's brother lost his 6 year battle with cancer (multiple myeloma) on Sunday, January 20th.

My hubby & his sister were able to fly out to San Diego on Sun the 13th & spend a couple good days with him before his final trek to Kayser Permanente Hospital late Tues the 15th. 
I know in my heart that Jeff was very grateful for that time with them.  And I can't even tell you how glad I am that they had decided to make the trip out there.
On Wed the 16th Jeff made the decision that he no longer wished to fight.  He was then given oxygen & a continous IV morphine drip & lapsed into a state of unconsiousness until his heart finally gave up & he took his last breath in the afternoon of Sun the 20th.

His parents & other brother & myself had flown out there on Wed the 16th. 

There was a beautiful service for him on Thursday the 24th, with a packed room full of friends & loved ones coming to pay their last respects to a very strong, very good man.  A man who will be very missed, & very fondly remembered by many. 

You know, even when you know that a loved one is terminally ill, you are never ready & completely accepting.  I guess you just hold on with all your might to hope.  You keep thinking that, miraculously, one year will turn into another, then another, then another ... you're never ready for the end. 

Jeff had four good years in remission.  I feel good in knowing that he lived that time to the very fullest.  I think that once he accepted that his time was limited, he became determined to make the very best of the time he had.  And God bless him, he did!

I didn't spend a lot of time with him.  We lived so far apart & I only saw him once or twice a year in the ten years hubby & I have known each other.  But he was the kind of guy who immediately made an impression.   You didn't need to spend a whole lot of time with to feel close to him.  He was so personable, & so real & down to earth that he made me feel like I'd known him forever.  And the endless, heart warming family stories I've heard throughout the years about his childhood touched on some of my own childhood memories.

He made an impact on my life.  On the lives of all who were fortunate enough to have known him.

Rest well in peace Jeff, I love you 

It's the second nite without hubby here.  We've just never spent much time apart & I thought it might be kind of liberating, or fun being away for awhile, but so far it's been no party. 

He & his sister flew out to San Diego to visit their brother, who is not doing very well.  I've talked to him many times on the phone today, as he tries to keep me updated, but I just should have gone with him.  Being on this end, many miles away, is driving me nuts! 

Jeff was diagnosed with multiple myeloma about 5 years ago I beleive.  He did have a stem cell transplant at City of Hope near LA & then had about 3 good years in remission before getting sick again this past summer.  He's been in & out of the hospital several times in the past 6 months or so & has under gone more chemo & radiation, but now the Drs say there's nothing more they can do for him except palliative care. 

My hubby & his sister are spending their time sitting with him, helping him get around & even outdoors a little bit to enjoy the beautiful California weather & sunshine.  They're cooking good meals for him & his wife & their 10 year old grandson that lives with them.  They're helping organize his meds & making sure he's taking them. 

And they're looking into some kind of health care for him outside of the hospital.  In home health care, or a visiting nurse type of situation ... anything!  Jeff & his wife are not real open to the idea & have already basically refused hospice care.  He desperately needs something.  Hubby has to return to work next week & his sister has to return home to her hubby & young kids. 

It was such a great relief to me when hubby decided to go down & help his brother.  But I honestly don't know what's going to happen when he returns home.

WoW, it's been so long that I almost feel incapable of writing anymore!

Many reasons I haven't been writing much, one of which is the insane amount of spam I've had here lately!  That's crazy! 

And I have been busy.  I have lots to catch up on! 

Hub & I spent a few days in San Diego before Christmas, then we spent a fantastik week over Christmas with my family in Florida, not to mention a day at Nassau in the Bahamas!  But I'll go into further details after I've sorted thru & posted some of the many pics I took while there.

I'm having a hard time getting to sleep tonite as hub's gone to visit his brother in San Diego again for the week, & even tho it's a bit exciting being by myself, it's also a little scary   !   I can handle it ... it's just a little scary.  And, right now, his brother, who is suffering with multiple myeloma, needs him much more than I do.

I'm kinda bored with sitting on the couch in front of the tube.  There's only so much Law & Order  I can watch in one nite, & the premiere of the new season of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels  looks like a joke.  So HERE I am!

I know I've got to take some time to do some updating on this blog.  It definitely needs a change of scenery, doesn't it?  I'll get around to it. 
I did do a bit of cleaning up ... my links & friends list.  My friends list has really whittled down, which is too bad.  I just haven't kept up with a lot of my good friends & there are some that I miss terribly!   Some times life itself just gets in the way.
Anyway, I've been going thru the list & deleted blogs that haven't been updated for 6 months or so, & those that no longer exist.  I really hate to do that, I've really not forgotten ANY of my blogging friends here! 

You know, some times the very best of friends are the very hardest to keep in touch with.

Once again life has taken the rough road.  And once again, it just seems easier for me to put my feelings into print rather than voicing them. 

I lost my Dad to complications of lung cancer almost 3 years ago.  A sad loss to all who knew him, but a devastating loss to my family.  A loss we're all very much struggling with.  I see evidence of the struggle nearly everyday, in my kids, my Mom, my sisters & brother.  All in all, I really feel like I've been living under a cloud since we lost him & I think that's how my whole family feels.  After all, he was the very back bone & support of our family.  He was THE MAN! 

Now my other Dad, my biological Dad, is suffering from bone cancer. 

I never even knew of Jim until I was about 13 yrs old, & met him for the first time when I was 22 & he called me after first getting my phone number & the go ahead from my Mom, or my uncle.  My mom called me first to prepare me for his call & I was elated to be talking to him & planning to meet him.  We got to be very close for several years.  Then, for reasons that are just kind of unexplainable, I just lost touch with him. 

It's been probably 10 yrs almost since I last spoke with him & he now lives out of state with his wife, but he's kept in touch with my youngest daughter, by phone & e-mail.   Of course when she told me about his cancer, I e-mailed him, not really knowing what kind of response to expect, & knowing I deserved nothing kind from him. 

But being the kind of person he is, he took up with me just as if none of those long years had ever come between us. 

Tonite I finally worked up the courage to telephone him.  And believe me, it was hard. 

But now I'm so glad I did.  He seemed genuinely happy to hear from me.  I know he was.  I feel terribly guilty - I AM terribly guilty.

I don't know how much time he has.  He's had radiation treatments & has just now started chemo.

He's a good man, who regrets one big mistake he made in his life & could never quite correct that mistake, even tho he did try.  It's like he's paid for that one lousy mistake his entire life!  Maybe I'll be able to get out there to visit him soon.  I sure hope so.

I'm off to my Mom's this week-end & then up to the river for a week of R & R at the cabin.  I'll write again when I get back home! 

Can you believe I spent HOURS on YouTube last nite watching all 29 or so of Chris Crocker's videos!!?? 

I can't!  I NEVER get on YouTube.  I was bored, but not ready to go to bed & didn't reallly want to get into anything that required any effort, & after seeing his extremely dramatic "Leave Britney Alone" video on the news I was curious.

The guy is ... oddly fascinating ... I don't know what other words to use, but I just couldn't stop watching! 

I think he makes a beautiful female, but he also makes a really good looking male.  I think he really resembles Jesse McCartney    

     but with a lot of eye liner on. 

He's got some major issues & he's probably capable of murder!  He's sure got a lot of emotion.

He sure can dance!!!!  I wish I had some of his moves!  He's got some acting capability too.  I saw a lot of Tiffany from "Flavor of Love" & "I Love New York" in him, & a lot of Jack from "Will & Grace".  He could potentially go on to make something of his life, but sadly, I think he's destined for tragedy.  I hope I'm wrong ...